Uphills and Downhills

I am going to do a solo 50K! That is how my recently written post was going to end. I left it to rest so I could come back to editing with a fresh mind. In that time frame, life has once again changed. I went in for my most recent scan and the results were not as good as I was hoping. There is a new liver lesion, about 3.7cm in size. My cancer markers are all drastically up also indicating the cancer was moving again. The current plan is to get a biopsy on the liver tumor and make sure it is in fact a breast cancer metastasis (mets). The likelihood of it being anything else is slim, but we have to check to make sure before we move on to a treatment plan. The good news is that the bone mets are all stable so the current treatment is at least working on them. Once we have the biopsy confirming that the tumor is a metastasis then we will move on to getting some radiation directed right at it. We will also be using the biopsy to send a sample of tissue for genetic testing to see what meds might work well against it. So here I am back in the waiting game. This process will take about a month to work itself out. Time to hurry up and wait!

What does a reasonably crazy runner do with this kind of information…run. I spent the weekend hitting the trails. I did a nine mile loop near my house, with a brief stop on a ridge to call the family and wave from my house up to me on the ridge. My youngest found that to be super fun looking at the spec of her mom up on a little ledge up a big hill. The next day I went for a six mile run up a nearby local peak. Knowing that despite this news I was able to tackle the peak and make a pr time back down gave me great perspective. Trail running in many ways mirrors the course of cancer. Both have steep ups and mood lifting downhills. At some point in a long run you enter a pain cave and for sure those exist in the world of cancer treatment. When I trail run I don’t think about too much else because I am looking at the trail just in front of me. It is a moving meditation. A reminder of what mindfulness can do in running and in life. If I keep my eyes and focus on the trail then I can keep myself from falling and getting hurt. If I keep my eyes and focus on what I am able to now, run up mountains, then I can keep the worries about the negative future problems at bay.

I can run a mountain! That means I can tackle this next hurdle! I will continue on my 50k plan until the doctors, or my body, tell me I should change plans. Look ahead one week at a time and keep on plugging.

See you all out on the trails! Keep running reasonably crazy!

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